


We Create Our Own Shadows

by EnglishGable



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-01
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-03-25 10:24:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13832199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnglishGable/pseuds/EnglishGable
Summary: Allen is a freshman in art school who inexplicably gets dropped into a class taught by his asshole of a guardian. Being one to make the best of his circumstances Allen creates an unbreakable bond with his classmates which may equal to something more...**RATING AND SIDE PAIRINGS MAY CHANGE AS I DECIDE DIRECTION**





	1. Enter: Allen Walker

**Author's Note:**

> Hi i wrote this about my experience in an american art school so allen's experience is reflective to my own. so if you're art school experience wasn't like mine well aww jeez man, what do i know about knowin stuff? ;)

**‘I forgot my house keys.**

**Bring them to me before 4.’**

 

He grimaced down at his phone. Why was it his problem that Marian forgot his keys at the house? 

 

_He pays your rent._

 

Oh… Right. 

 

He groaned, looking at the message again and shoving his phone under his pillow again. Mmm, it was only 2 he had plenty of time-

 

_C r a s h_

 

And then another, and then again. A thunk, and some assorted screaming in some romantic language he couldn’t identify. He groaned, he had been _so close_ to dozing…

 

His upstairs neighbors were at it again. 

 

_Fuckin rotten assholes, how the fuck are they constantly breaking shit those assholes-_

 

He sat up in bed, looking at his phone again and glaring intensely. He couldn’t even sleep now. 

 

As the mysterious and traumatizing noises continued upstairs, he slowly meandered his way to the bathroom, looking sleepily over the sink and identifying all of Marian’s long annoying hair in it, and making a point to rinse it all the one side of the sink. Even if it hadn’t happened yet, he would eventually- _eventually_ , get the hint and clean it out when he finished brushing his hair. 

 

_C r a s h, Krr-shk, S n a p, B a n g_

 

It was getting intense up there, and he wasn’t sure if he should call the police or just go check it out himself. Or just mind his own business like everyone else did.

 

_Beep_.

 

**‘Fucking shit asshole, get here before my class comes you idiot.’**

 

He responded immediately. 

 

**‘Say please. :)’**

 

From there he had realized he had spent _way_ too much time fucking about worrying about the people upstairs, and quickly made himself a sandwich and some snacks for on the way to the University and made it to the bus before it was too late. He didn’t live that far from Uni but Marian took the car and the bus only came every forty minutes. 

 

As per usual the bus driver gave him the usual nod as he swiped his ID and sat at the front, stuffing a handful of cheerios in his life from a baggie. _God_ he was starving-

 

**‘You little shit. I’m going to kick your ass tonight.**

**My class is starting, so you’re going to just have to come to room and drop them off.**

**I’m teaching 2D this term so come over that way.’**

 

Ugh, the drawing rooms on that side of the Fine Arts Building smelled like mold and rotting drywall. Most of the time if Marian had a class over on that side, he left early because “I don’t make enough money to get poisoned.”

 

The Fine Arts Building at the University could be found outside of the area of the main campus, isolating most of the Fine Arts majors from the rest of the University. In the back of the building were the ceramics and pottery rooms, and to the left were the 3D rooms and the wood and metal shop. On the right were the oldest classrooms and the dampest. From there were the few lecture halls and the student museum and a small common area mostly used for student gatherings and sign up stations.

 

Outside of the classrooms and workshops was a mish-mosh of weirdoes and people that just made him uncomfortable. People from the theater department practicing in the back at the top of their lungs, acting out a scene of _Julius Caesar_. Some architect majors anxiously trying to sketch the structure of the building when he was pretty sure that this place was on its last leg. Some bitchy girl trying to sell him on weed legalization.

 

“Rad tattoo dude! Are you new? Are you registered to vote?”

 

“Sorry… I’m in a bit of a hurry… And I’m not American-“

 

“Oh shit, your accent is awesome, hey, say this- ‘The rain in Spain-‘“

 

_I don’t have fucking time for this_ , he thought as he smiled warmly at the girl, scooting away from her ever so slowly. 

 

“It’s an exercise we do in theater- are you a VA major?” Another student who was advocating for PETA rounded up behind him. He was trapped. 

 

“How did you get your hair so _white_ -“

 

“Really, I’m in a hurry…”

 

“This will just take a second!”

 

_Help! Someone help!_

 

“Ah ladies, thank you for your advocacy but this is one of my pupils and I need to take him for advisement.” a firm, yet gentle hand landed on his shoulder, squeezing gently. 

 

“Sorry… What was your name? You’re pretty cool.” the weed girl said, her nose turning a bit pink. 

 

“Allen… Allen Walker. It’s quite nice to meet you as well. Some other time?” He smiled warmly, turning and giving the man behind him a pleading look. “Shall we go Professor Theodore?”

 

* * *

 

“Ah, so that’s why you’re here. You know, going around with that birth mark and white hair in a visual arts building might not have been your best course of action Allen.” Professor Theodore carried on, patting Allen’s shoulder gently. “But it is very kind of you to bring Dr.Cross his keys.”

 

Allen chuckled lightly, watching people’s faces as he walked by. “Well… I start class tomorrow, so I’m going to have to just get used to people looking at me this way…”

“I think when you were younger you wouldn’t have felt that way.” 

 

Allen smiled, nodding knowingly. “You’re right.”

 

The professor looked at his watch, his eyes lighting up. “Ah, it’s time for my next group. I’m teaching introduction to water color this time around. It’s that exciting?”

 

“I’m sure it will be a lot of fun.”

 

From there the professor left, leaving Allen to wander the halls trying to find this goddamned room amongst the maze. 

 

Allen had always been different, since childhood he had a myriad of defects and anomalies that doctors couldn’t actually pin-point. The strange birth mark on his face, which with age had lightened in color and intensity, had dramatically affected his time in elementary and middle school because admittedly after looking back at pictures of himself he was a pretty scary kid. White hair like an old man, a strange, star-like birth mark above his eye and most importantly-

 

His arm. 

 

Even now, he still went routinely to have the skin on that arm tested any mutation in the cells, but his doctor told him the same thing every time. They had no idea what mutation or disease or… anything could make his arm the way it was. Red like blood, grotesque to look at, and even painful at times. 

 

Ah… There it is… Allen could hear Marian talking behind the door, giving his typical syllabus spiel to the class. Turn in your shit on these dates and don’t fuck it up. The usual. 

 

“You stupid fucking idiot. Don’t interrupt my lecture by knocking, just come in.”

 

Allen glared at the door, he hadn’t even touched it yet. Begrudgingly he followed instruction, opening the door to several pairs of eyes looking at him. A small gasp could be heard from the back of the room. 

 

“Yeah I know, can you believe I have to fucking live with this goddamn ghost?” some uneasy laughter from the front. “Where are the keys dumbass?”

 

“Right here Professor…” Allen said sweetly, smiling as he pulled them out of his pocket and slammed them on the podium. 

 

“Don’t lose them next time please.” Marian smirked, nodding and turning to face the class again. 

 

“If that’s all, you can go Allen.”

 

“Thank you Professor. Sorry for the interruption everyone.” he said smiling, walking to the door with his hands in his pockets. 

 

“Oh and Allen…”

 

“Yes…sir?”  


“Don’t miss class tomorrow alright? I’ll know because I’m teaching it.”

 

“… Sorry, what was that… sir?”

 

“Starting tomorrow you’re enrolled in introduction to 2D art, this class. Tomorrow. Get ready for work idiot.”

 


	2. Enter: Pretty Much Mostly Everyone Else

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize if swearing offends you but i would say every other word out of my mouth is a swear word and i'm sorry if it bothers you i literally write how i speak lol

“You cannot be serious.” Allen glared at the name plate on the desk in front of him, trying his best to not cut his eyes in front of a department head. 

 

The man in front of him shook his head, and adjusted his glasses, turning again to his computer screen and rereading it. “I’m really, truly sorry Allen. I don’t know how you were even able to enroll in that class without having the prerequisites on file. But unfortunately it happens. And then we have to have meetings like this.” 

 

“So because of… The computer error. I have to take a class with _Marian_ …”

 

Mr. Lee looked at him, confused, “Marian….?”

 

“Sorry. Force of habit. Dr. Cross. Are there really no other options? A drawing class? I’m not the best but I’m sure I could try it out for a time-“

 

“Allen… Our department isn’t the biggest, once we’re full, it is pretty hard to get an opening. That’s really the only other class you could take in place of the other. Now you can go to the University and ask to be enrolled in some general education courses, but that’s up to you and out of my control.” Mr.Lee carefully picked up his coffee mug off his desk and grimaced into it before taking a long sip of- Allen really wasn’t sure he wanted to know what that exactly was. He set it back down, sighing as he did so. “I really wish I could be a bit more forgiving since this gives you such a poor impression of our department, but I’m doing my job and the chair’s job as well…”

 

Allen found composure in himself enough to smile warmly. “I’m sure you’ll be fine really.”

 

The director slumped, putting his face into his desk and letting out a small whimper. Allen stood up a bit, leaning over to make sure he was okay. 

 

“Mr.Lee… Is everything alright?” Another strangled noise. 

 

“….But _will_ it really be okay? My sister has become so distant from me lately and since our parents passed she’s all I got and I’m all she’s got but what if really she found something else and is planning—“

 

_Christ_. 

 

After falling down that rabbit hole that Allen _never_ intended to fall down for about thirty minutes, he was able to escape Mr.Lee’s office. 

 

From what Allen could deduce, he had accidentally signed up for an advanced class, and when the system kicked it back. Mr. Lee just assigned him to an introductory class so that he could atleast be in an art class. Allen’s choice was to try and find a general education class or just eat the class Mr. Lee put him in. 

 

Allen sighed, putting in his phone lock code and pulling up his course list, grimacing at the schedule. It fucked up his entire plan to have his classes only two days a week. _Typical. Fucking typical. As if something could go right._

 

2D Foundations.. Why the _fuck_ did he have to take a dumbass foundations class before he could enroll in the good stuff? And how could a computer system just fuck up like that? 

 

He touched the class link, rolling his eyes as it tried to load on shitty university wifi. 

 

_Students in this class examine the visual dynamics that influence and determine the impact of all two-dimensional artworks. While a great deal of self-expression and experimentation is expected, providing a context and a language for viewing is important. To facilitate this, students are exposed to a wide variety of historic and contemporary artists and designers and the elements and principles of art as they pertain to 2D Design._

 

What a fucking load of shit. 

 

Allen closed out the app, sitting down at the bus bench and pulling up his jacket hood so that his hair wasn’t at center stage for everyone to ogle at as they walked back. 

 

The program details kept running through his head. As if, Marian Cross, could ever, _ever_ , teach a class that celebrated self expression and experimentation. Allen felt sorry for anyone who needed this class to graduate. 

 

_You need it Allen._

 

_Fuck Off._

 

——————————————————————————-

“Here’s your syllabus nitwit. I’m counting this absence against you by the way.” Cross touted, throwing the group of papers at Allen as he walked in to their tiny apartment. Allen could smell the alcohol permeating off him. Hm, it had to be why he wanted his keys. 

 

“You’re home late.” Allen murmured, looking over the syllabus- obviously copy and pasted from another professor’s-

 

“Yeah, oh and bring something with you tomorrow to get feedback on.”

 

Allen stared at him. “What?”

 

“You really don’t have anything prepared dumbass? I want everyone in the class to bring me a piece of their work so we can evaluate it critically.”

 

_You, evaluating? Constructive criticism? Pah._

 

“Well I have a few things but it’s a bit last minute.”

 

“Oh my fucking _Christ_ Allen, it doesn’t have to be a fucking masterpiece, just bring something in that you’re not completely ashamed of. Those paper doll things should work out great.”

 

“I do not work with paper dolls-“

 

“Whatever, night.” Cross staggered to his bedroom, closing it behind him. 

 

_I should be thankful… I don’t know if he wasn’t drunk he would of helped me like this_ Allen mused, looking over the syllabus carefully.

 

He had to find something to bring. 

 

He tied up his hair, and went to his closet, tearing apart boxes looking for his old pieces. He hadn’t worked out anything new in months, and he really wasn’t sure how it would turn out or if the silhouettes would still be good enough but-

 

“Here we go” Allen carefully lifted the small figure from the back of his closet. It was small because it had to be driven to an exhibit in highschool. But it was from his senior art exhibit, and it was something he was still proud of. 

 

The profile of a man in a jacket, looking up at the moon. Around him the colors inverted, tainted, and sinister, and evils hide in the shadows and yet the man continues on, happy in his ignorance. 

 

It was… Amateur in execution and idea, and Allen felt his skills had far surpassed it, but the story in his head kept repeating each time he looked at the silhouetted man looking up at the moon, his face split with a grin. 

 

He wished to be that man at times. 

Allen nodded, assured of his decision, 

This is the one. 

———————————————————————————-

“Allen… Please… Wake up.”

 

_Mum?_

_Dad?_

 

“Daddy is gone Allen… Daddy is…”

 

_Dad you can’t… Watch where you’re going… No Daddy don’t go that way._

 

“Why are you crying? You have nothing to cry about. Stop it stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop”

 

It just kept repeating. 

 

On master volume.

 

All at once. 

 

All at him. 

 

**Stop it stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop Stop it stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop Stop it stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop**

 

_Mum… Dad… Please no more._

 

**Stop it stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop Stop it stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop Stop it stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop**

 

“ _Dad_.”

 

Allen shot up out of his bed, shaking violently and clutching his heart. His heart felt like it was ripping it’s way through his sternum. He felt hot- on fire- and tears were rolling down his face.

 

The scaly, leathery skin of his arm began to ache, and he held it to his chest, wincing at the sensation. He looked up at the ceiling, looking for any kind of answer for these terrors that had started to pervade his sleep. 

 

He sighed, turned towards his nightstand and checked the time. 

 

_Oh, fucking brillant. It’s almost time to get up. Great._ Allen flopped back down, groaning into his pillow. Atleast the upstairs neighbors weren’t awake yet, but he was pretty sure that would end soon as well. 

 

_Come on Allen… You said you’d write these down when they happened._

 

With his head still in his pillow, Allen fumbled around in his night stand until he found the small gray notebook he had been recording his dreams in. 

 

Every time he felt like it never made any sense. He had filled pages full of details about this dream, but they never became cohesive, but Allen always knew by the end.. By the end he was ready to…

 

He didn’t want to think about that. He was just happy he woke up. 

 

Quietly he closed the notebook, putting it on the stand and kneeling back into his pillow, willing himself to go back to sleep. 

 

——————————————————————————-

 

Careful, simple, and precise. 

 

It was perfect. Ofcourse it was perfect. 

 

It had been based off a picture he had been sent by his fri-colleague who was working on a project overseas. A cherry blossom tree. Simple, yet calm and peaceful. Dark, rich brown hues contrasting with cool, soft, pinks and whites brought a sense of refinement. And there was nothing better than an elegant piece of art. And he knew as soon as it went live on his website it would be bought up within hours. He was absolutely sure of it. 

 

He covered it carefully in butcher paper, loaded it gently into his chair, drove slow, flicking off those who honked at him because they didn’t fucking understand his-

 

He was carefully in the parking garage, walking with it pressed against his chest, until this moment, setting it on the easel and slowly pulling away the butcher paper. 

 

He sat across from it, watching it and taking in the precision of his paint strokes. He was afraid it would leave him somehow, and he didn’t dare look away. 

 

“Yuu, is this what you’re submitting today?”

 

He turned his gaze to the interrupter of his meditation, glaring at the person as she smiled back at him as she sat down. 

 

“Kanda is preferred Lenalee.”

 

“Ah right. Sorry.” she covered her mouth, blushing a bit. She had placed something of her own on the table easel in front of her. It was covered, but in a cloth wrapping instead of paper. 

 

He turned back to his work, watching it again carefully. “And yes. This is what I’ll be showing.”

 

Lenalee stood over his shoulder, smiling at she looked at the piece. “That’s amazing. I could never be that good at oils, I always muddy them up.” he shrugged in reply. 

 

Kanda and Lenalee had taken some classes together, enough that Kanda didn’t feel okay just outright ignoring her when she spoke to him. He should try and… Keep his connections just in case. Especially since Lenalee’s brother was the acting chair currently. She…. also liked Japanese food just as much as he did and it was nice to be able to split the price…. _sometimes_. 

 

Oh, he hadn’t realized she was talking. He stared at her for a bit before looking back at the painting and just ignoring her all together. 

 

“Oh, sorry. I forgot.” she turned back to her own easel, “I’ll keep quiet.” She never stopped smiling, carefully pulling away the cloth that was on her own canvas, revealing a palette of colors-blues, purples, relaxing tones. 

 

A watercolor of a hummingbird. Kanda felt it fit her personality perfectly. 

 

“…Your’s is-“

 

“Lenalee is that it? Wha- that’s better than anything I could make!” They both jumped at the voice, Kanda scowling at the figure in the doorway as they took off their sunglasses. 

 

“Ah Lavi, my friend here likes to meditate before class, if you could be a bit…” Lenalee trailed, standing up and walking over to the door. “Come sit with me alright?”

 

This Lavi was wild looking. He had the brightest orange hair Kanda had ever seen, and it stuck up everywhere from his head, as if he didn’t even bother to try and comb it through. He dressed like a transient, jeans and sweaters with holes and tears in them, even with a pair of ratty shoes. What was even more bizarre was that he straight up wore an eye patch on his right eye. Like a _fucking pirate eye patch what the fu-_

 

He sat down beside Lenalee, noisily placing a folder on the easel and going through his book bag. 

 

“I got everything you told me Lenalee. It was a _bitch_ of a walk to the art supply store but they were pretty nice to me. They gave me this student discount too it was pretty bomb.” Lavi carried on, finally just shoving his bag into Lenalee’s lap and grinning. 

 

“Ah you got a lot of stuff. You only need to take three classes right? Once you finish I’ll take this all off your hands.” she teased, nodding at the supplies pooling at the bottom of his bag and handing it back over. “Did you come up with something to bring?”

 

Lavi nodded, pointing to the folder on his easel. “I think it’ll count for something atleast. This can’t be worth a grade can it? Do you think?”

Lenalee shrugged, watching as more people came into the room and unpacked their artworks. “I’m sure it will be fine Lavi…” 

 

Kanda snorted, looking expectantly at the folder, was he a digital media guy or-

 

Lavi was perceptive, and opened it for Kanda to see. “You see I’m… not an artist.” he laughed lightly, rubbing the back of his head and causing what Kanda assumed was even more tangles. “I’m an art history major and I need three art classes to satisfy the major…” 

 

“Lavi didn’t have anything to bring so we brainstormed last night and thought he could bring some of his papers.”

 

Kanda snorted. Lenalee shoved him gently. “Stop it.”

 

“Well it’s worth a try right? He said to bring something you were proud of and I’m pretty proud of this thesis here.” He pulled the heavy stack of papers out of his folder, brandishing it towards the ceiling and grinning. “It’s not completely done since I can’t submit it until my last semester but this is like, fucking like…. a hundred hours of my life or something.” Lavi carefully tucked it back into the folder and closed it, looking over at Kanda and smiling. “I’m Lavi by the way. What’s your name?”

 

“…. Kanda.”

 

“As in the neighborhood?”

 

_Huh. Smart_. “…Yes.”

 

Lenalee beamed at them both, Kanda was making a new friend! She would have to tell Dr. Theodore later about this accomplishment but first-

 

“… Oh, he’s here again.” Lavi said in a low voice, gesturing towards the door. 

 

Ah, the guy from yesterday. 

 

He was a bit taller than Lenalee in stature, an oversized hoodie hid most of his body, covering most of his face minus a few pieces of shockingly white hair. The rest of him was unassuming, just jeans and a pair of rain boots- obviously in preparation for the end of the day. 

 

The class drew quiet as he walked in, and for a moment Lenalee could see him grimace before lowering his hoodie and adding even more to his strangeness. A star shaped birthmark above his eye, or atleast Lenalee thought it was a birthmark… 

 

The person smiled at them, waving happily, a portfolio tucked underneath his arm. 

 

“Hello! My name’s Allen. I have a deformed arm and a strange birth mark. And I don’t know why my hair’s white. Mum said it was like that at birth. I’m a bit cursed but I think I’m quite nice otherwise.” With that Allen sat promptly at the front table, setting down his portfolio and pulling his hood back over his head. 

 

Slowly the class came back to life, people chattering casually again now that the mystery had been solved. 

 

Kanda could only roll his eyes. _What a drama queen. Why was any of that pertinent information?_

 

“…Tch.”

 

Lenalee pushed his shoulder again. 

————————————————————————-

 

“Oh none of you want to sit with the grim reaper?” Dr. Cross asked as he walked into the room, noticing immediately that Allen was at the front all my himself, most of the class concentrated to the middle and back of the room. Allen scowled at him from under his hoodie. 

 

“Well you made a good choice.” he concluded, setting a stack of papers on his podium. He looked at the computer stand and grimaced, looking back at the class. “Listen, I don’t really give a fuck if you’re here or not. But to keep my job it says I have to. If you don’t have a good enough excuse I’ll pop you on the absence, if you do have a good excuse, I’ll still pop you but for less points. Miss too much and you’ll fail. Miss an assignment you fail. Piss me off and you fail. Understood?” the class nodded, staring at him in shock. He smiled. 

 

“Good. Everyone get your shit out so I can look at it. If you need prep time I’ll give you uhhh….” he looked at his watch. “Ten minutes. I’m gonna take a smoke break.” 

 

“Uh Dr. Cross?” a brave girl in the back called for him, “Can we use the display walls on the outside of the 2D rooms?” he turned and looked at her. 

 

“If it’s shit it’s still gonna look like shit on an exhibit wall, it won’t make a damn difference, but sure, if you want to be a pain in mine, and everyone else’s asses and make us all walk over there sure. Go ahead.” 

 

She gaped at him as he left. 

 

Allen snickered lightly, but then started feeling bad as the girl deflated and sat back down.

 

Kanda felt a hand gently tap his shoulder. Turning to see two very tired, very bloodshot eyes belonging to Miranda Lotto. 

 

“What is it?”  


“C-could you look at my board? I-I-I thought I could handle his class but I’m already so nervous… I would like you to look since you-“

 

“Whatever.” 

 

Meanwhile Lavi was biting his nails nervously, watching as other- _actual fucking art students_ bring out like masterpieces for Cross to evaluate and here he was with a stack of papers like a fucking moron. Lenalee sighed.  


“Lavi it’ll be fine.”

“You don’t know that. Like, I feel like he could kill me with words Lenalee. Kill me with his fucking zings.”

 

Allen was carefully unfolding his artwork, making sure all the pieces stood up correctly, and making sure it laid nicely on the table. He stood back from it, and felt content. 

 

“Aleister, I think you were supposed to bring something… 2D…” another student said, staring blankly at a stone sculpture of a woman standing proudly on of the tables… next to everyone’s easels. 

 

“I… I don’t have anything…” this Aleister whimpered, wiping unfallen tears from his eyes with a tissue. “And this… This is my best work. How could I… How could I abandon her?”

 

_Wow what a freak_. Allen continued scanning the room, fascinated at everyone’s pieces and what they decided to bring and show. There were all kinds of artists, oil painting, water color, collage… There were a lot of amazing people in this room. 

 

And none of them wanted anything to do with him. Allen pushed that thought from his mind, closing his eyes and shaking his head. _Quit it._ He smiled at everyone, beginning to wander around the room, complimenting everyone’s art he came by. Ah everyone was so talented-

 

“Alright, breaks over. Everyone come to the front.” Cross announced coming into the room, gesturing for everyone to come stand with him. “It’ll be a bit cramped but as you inevitably drop this course because you learn to hate me you’ll have more space.” He turned towards the first piece on the table. Allen’s piece. 

 

“Alright everyone. I need some feedback on this. What are your thoughts on this piece? No holding back alright?”

 

Allen started “Can’t I atleast give you the title-“ Cross silenced him. 

 

“Most numbskulls at a museum won’t be bothered to read your title or your statement about the piece, they’ll be going in even more blind than all of you are right now. So give me, some feedback. Anything. Anyone.”

 

A pause. Cross sighed loudly, looking towards the group in annoyance. 

 

“That person is… Very sad.” Lavi murmured, looking around nervously when the rest of the class zoned in on him. He looked towards Allen. “Is that right-“

 

“Don’t ask him. You won’t have the artist at the gallery to tell you. Why do you think he’s sad?”

 

“Well… Have you heard when people say the smile doesn’t reach the eyes…That’s the feeling it gives me.”

 

“I disagree.” Another girl chimed in. “I think even though the world is strange and scary, this person is able to stay happy.”

 

“Or delusional.” the class murmured a bit, and Allen felt his nervousness go down just a bit. This was… Okay. 

 

After a few moments of discussion, Cross cleared his throat, prompting the class to quiet down. He turned to Allen. 

 

“I agree with you that this is the best thing you have created.”

 

Allen stared at him, did Cross just give him-him a compliment?

 

“But it’s still shit.” He pointed at it, “The execution and the materials are just garbage. This is too mature of a theme to just use some shitty painted cardboard and cardstock. The line cutting is shoddy and I can tell it’s been folded up in your closet since you moved in. If this is your best work, its best that you treat it as such.” Cross looked over it again. 

 

“What I want from you, before you graduate from here… I want you to remake this. But not now. I don’t want to see it now. I want to see what it will look like in the next three years. Got it?”

Allen nodded, not sure if he wanted to cry from the harshness of Cross’ criticism or the fact that Cross didn’t just give up on his artwork. He was moved. But he wasn’t sure exactly how. 

 

One by one, Cross tore down artist after artist, watching the hope drain from people’s eyes was only slightly traumatizing for Allen, since at this point he was mostly used to it. 

 

“Onto… Miranda Lotto’s. Ah, a collagist.” He looked over it carefully. “What do you all think?”

 

It was a newspaper collage, with the words spelling out a passage to a book Allen did not recognize. Over it was a woman in black, praying. 

 

_Ah are those Bible verses…?_

 

“What’s the irony?” Cross inquired, crossing his arms and looking at the easel. 

 

“Oh well…” the young woman blushed a bit, tucking a piece ofcurly brown hair behind her ear. “Those words are from… Cosmopolitan magazine. I cut them out and used it to make Bible verses.” 

 

Cross snorted, “And there’s the irony. Clever. I usually hate newspaper print shit in collaging since it’s so over done, but this is interesting. I like the idea. I think this could be a senior series for you.” He gently reached over and patted her shoulder. “Good on you kid.”

 

Miranda’s face blossomed into a deep red as her eyes welled up with tears. “T-T-Thank you sir…” Everyone stared-even Allen mouth- agape. Would Miranda be the only person free from Cross’ wrath? 

 

No… There was atleast a few more people who were that good. Atleast from what Allen could see. 

 

“What the fuck is this?” Cross muttered, picking up Lavi’s unfinished thesis and turning through it. “A paper?”

 

“You see sir… I’m an art history major…And I don’t really have art work to show. But I did bring my best work which is… This.” Lavi finished sheepishly, trailing off as Cross glowered down at him. He was gonna get his ass handed to him he just knew it. 

 

“You have some fucking balls kid to bring me this.” Cross said, shoving the paper back into Lavi’s hands, he seemed to loom over everyone, seemingly getting taller and taller. 

 

Before finally- “I’ll give it to you. I like that you didn’t just bring me some shitty craft project, you followed the assignment. However, do you ever- _ever_ bring me something like this pile of garbage again alright?”

 

“It’s not a pile of garbage!” Lavi defended, clutching it to his chest. “It’s part of our history!”

 

“Look kid, I know a lot of people in that department, your grandpa is the department chair right?” Lavi nodded. “I know all about your obsession with context and trying to figure this shit out because x happened during y time so it equals z or some shit. But to me, that’s just garbage. I create art, you write it down. But to write it down in a way that makes sense you gotta know how to make art. That’s why you’re here.” 

 

Lavi nodded. Cross continued. “So while you’re in here I need you to think like an artist, not a historian. I know it’s hard because you’re all such fucking giant brainiacs over there, but try. I think you got the balls to do it.” 

 

Cross continued on, praising Lenalee’s watercolor while then slandering Aleister’s sculpture. His tirade against his students felt like it was never going to end, and some students just ended up leaving before he got to them, packing up their portfolios and just walking out of the room. 

 

“And finally.. Last but not least, the protege of Dr. Theodore, Mr. Yuu Kanda himself. Everyone clap.” Cross said mockingly watching Kanda’s scowl go deeper and deeper. 

 

“I see you’ve done a pretty good job for yourself, selling your works through school. That’s pretty great for a kid that hasn’t even graduated yet. It means that the buyers think you’ll be hot shit when you’re old and wrinkly. Let’s see what you got.” Cross turned the easel to face him, and his face dropped. 

 

_Oh shit._

 

He clenched his jaw. 

 

Allen stood back a bit out of habit. Cross was pissed. 

 

“This is your best work?”

 

Kanda nodded. 

 

“Answer me when I speak to you.”

 

Kanda stared at him. “Yes…sir.”

 

Cross scratched at his chin, rubbing at the five o’clock shadow and wishing he could smoke. 

 

“You’re selling this to people?”

 

“…Not this particular piece but… I’ve sold pieces similar.”

 

“How?”

 

“…What do you mean?”

 

“How are you selling these?”

 

“…Online on my web-“

 

“No, as in, who the _fuck_ would want to buy a lifeless, mechanically created piece of shit like this?”

 

The class was silent. Miranda covered her mouth with her hand to stop the audible gasp that came from it. 

Kanda felt like he had just been hit with a bat to the head. He look at the artwork and then back at Cross. 

 

“… _What_?”

 

“How can you… After all the training you have received still be creating such boring, ugly, and unoriginal art work? This doesn’t belong in a museum, or anywhere, it belongs in a bathroom of a JCPenney’s next to the fucking diaper changing station. This is… Not art. It’s a copy of art. It wants to be art but it’s not.” He gestured to the rest of the room. “You’ve kept your mouth shut this whole time because you’ve thought, ‘Ah my stuff is better than everyone’s here’ but in reality, everyone, even the dumbass who submitted his fucking thesis to me is more of an artist than you. You are a factory.” 

 

_What the fuck._

 

“Who the _fuck_ do you think you’re talking to?” Kanda snapped, seeming electricity shooting between the two of them.  


“Not an artist.” Cross said smugly. 

 

“Who are you to say what art is? Art can be anything, a fucking urinal can be art so why are you holding mine to some type of special standard-“

 

“Because while everything can be art, there is such a thing as good and bad art. And that’s just bad art. The technique is there, and that’s it. There’s no substance, no heart. It’s just an image created out of oils. 

 

Kanda had had enough, whipping around he, quickly gathered his belongings, throwing his pens and brushes back into his bag messily, and grabbing his piece-tucking it until his arm. 

 

Kanda could think of all kinds of things he wanted to call Cross, what he wanted to yell and curse at him for. But now all he could hear were those words banging around in his head. 

 

“Fuck you.” he spat out, shoving past the other students storming out of the room. 

Allen could feel the tension in the room start to fade, and slowly the class began to make their way back to their seats. 

 

Cross made his way up to the front, grabbing the stack of papers from his podium and handing it to Allen expectantly. 

 

“Pass it out.”

 

He turned to the rest of the class, yawning. “Alright, so I know that was hard. And I’m thankful to those of you who aren’t princesses and took your beatings. Some I guess can’t handle it. Right now what you’re getting is your first project assignment, should have everything you need to know on it. I might be sending a couple of you some emails about my expectations once my roster updates so I don’t waste my time on losers.” Cross started gathering his things. “Since this day is always pretty shitty, you guys can go ahead and head out, or stay. If you want to get a head start, 

the room is your’s until 6 anyway. See you later.” 

 

And with that Cross was gone, leaving them all bewildered with egos mostly shattered. But no one had gotten as bad as Kanda’s. 

 

“It’s unbelievable…” Lenalee whispered, “To say that Yuu’s was… terrible… That’s too harsh.”

 

Lavi nodded, “I thought it was pretty shitty too.”

 

There was a murmur of agreement as people slowly put their things away. Slowly people began to trickle out of the room. Leaving only a few left. 

 

“Hello…” Lavi looked up to see the white haired guy walking slowly over to their table. 

 

“Hi! Allen was it? Your art work was pretty cool I thought.” Lavi chattered, smiling warmly. 

 

“Yes… I wanted to thank you for that… I appreciated it a lot. That piece is quite important to me.”

 

“No problem.. Hey, Lenalee and I were gonna grab some food, did you have something after class to do?”

Allen shook his head, then remembered that the buses only ran until 5:45. Shit. 

 

“But I don’t have a car so… I have to catch the bus.”

 

“Oh don’t worry about that. I have a car.” Lenalee chimed in. Lavi looked at her confused. “A car? Since when?”

 

“Well it’s not my car. It’s Yuu’s.”

 

“He’s coming too?”

 

Lenalee nodded, looking down at the phone on her desk. “He’s waiting in the parking lot.” Lavi shrugged. “To be honest Lenalee, I don’t think he likes me much-“

 

“He doesn’t like anyone Lavi.” she laughed. “But really, I don’t want him to go home and just stay angry over that painting. I need to distract him a little bit. Allen you don’t mind right?” she laughed. “Even if we just met?”

 

Allen shook his head. He was making friends! Friends! Take that Cross! 

 

“No, not at all!” 

 

Lavi stretched. “Then it’s settled. Allen’s our new friend and Yuu’s driving. Let’s get going.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Silhouette Art- Allen's art style- some examples are that of Kara Walker, Auguste Eduoart etc
> 
> Cosmo- A women's magazine known for headlines like "HOW TO FUCK UR DUDE BETTER" on the covers. If you go to certain states in the US they have these like cover things for the covers because they're considered profane(but not porn)
> 
> Collage- Miranda's art style, using paper and other materials to create a picture. Think Picasso Bottle of Suze etc. Jacob Lawrence is another good example
> 
> Urinal- Marcel Duchamp create an art piece called fountain using a urinal 
> 
> uhhh i'm super stoked that ppl some to like this shit and tbh will probably go and overhaul chapter 1 when i'm not dead and procrastinating at actually 2:41 am on a monday 
> 
> love you have a good day


	3. Friendship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to clarify before I unleash this shit onto you. Because I know how I am when it comes to underaged shit, at the beginning of this Allen is 17 until his birthday in December. There will be not pursuance of a relationship until after Allen’s birthday. So if that is going to be make you pump the brakes a bit, don’t worry. There will be some flirting or pining away, but no heavy petting or wedding night level stuff I don’t want to spoil like, everything I have planned but I just wanted to clarify that there won’t be any underaged anything in here we are a god fearing household in this fic.   
> For reference, Kanda is a sophomore, so effectively around 18-19 years of age at this time.

 

“Is this your first year Allen?” 

 

Allen turned his gaze from the window, looking over at Lavi sitting next to him and nodded. He could see Lavi’s eyes(or…eye) linger down to his left hand, his entire arm wasn’t exposed, but the gnarled skin of his hand and the dark, blackened fingernails stood out against his light blue jeans. 

 

Allen pulled his sleeve down over it, and Lavi looked back up at his eyes. “What major are you thinking or have you not decided yet?”

 

Allen paused, mulling over the choices he was given. No matter what he picked he was still trapped in Marian’s class for atleast this semester. “I’m not quite sure yet. My technique is kind of unusual. I’m not in BFA if that’s want you’re wondering.”

 

Kanda snorted from the driver’s side, rolling his eyes. Lenalee puffed her cheeks up at him before turning to face Allen through her seat in the passenger side.   


“Yeah, I haven’t seen many artists work with silhouettes. And your’s was like a pop-up book. I think it was really cool Allen.” Lenalee sighed, looking down cast. “Mine was just… A boring water color… Everyone’s artwork was so great… I felt self conscious…”

 

“What? Didn’t Dr. Cross make all over your’s Lenalee? Your’s and that one girl’s… Miranda’s. Everyone else’s he tore… apart…” Lavi trailed… feeling a murderous intent rise from the driver’s seat, and some aggressive changing of gears and incoherent mutterings. 

 

“W-Well I think he was much too harsh. Art is about creative expression, and it felt like he… didn’t celebrate anyone’s creativity.” Lenalee was trying to smooth it over, but the more she spoke it seemed they were digging themselves into a deeper and deeper hole with Kanda. 

 

_Please don’t kill us._

 

Allen grimaced, shaking his head at them both. “Mari-Dr.Cross is just like that. He’s been that way as long as I’ve known him. His criticism is harsh and don’t misunderstand- he’s an alcoholic and a womanizer _and_ a gambler _and_ …” Allen could feel himself welling up with anger at the thought. 

 

_Calm down._

 

“But at the end of the day he’s a great artist, he locks himself up for days when he’s working on a project. He makes himself sick over it, and in the end he’s never satisfied. So don’t think it’s because he’s some sort of pretentious asshole, because while he is an asshole, I think he just likes to give criticism because he likes getting criticism is all…” Allen smiled awkwardly, realizing he had gone into way too much detail about Marian and may have accidentally defended him in some way as if that asshole needed _any_ kind of-

 

“How would you know all that shit?” A sharp voice barked at him, Lenalee and Lavi turning and looking at Kanda- who now had finally decided to speak. 

 

_Ah, I said way too much._

 

“Ah well… He’s my…”

 

“Is he your… Your _Dad_ Allen?”

 

“Cross is your Dad?”

 

“Holy Shit!”

 

“What? _No_! _Absolutely_ not.” Allen shuddered at the thought of anyone ever producing a child with that man(maybe accidentally) but Cross being tasked to raise a human bein-

 

_Wait Allen. You’re describing yourself._

 

“He’s my… guardian. My legal guardian. “

 

Lavi gaped at him. “Pause. So that’s why you were bringing some keys or some shit on Monday. He’s your guardian, you live with the great Dr. Marian Cross?”

 

“Right now his studio is being renovated, so he’s around quite a bit more than he used to be…” Allen muttered, resentful of how much more cleaning was to be done around the house. Hopefully it would be finished by December… It would be a wonderful birthday present. 

 

Lenalee’s eyebrows furrowed. “But if you’re an adult you don’t need a… Allen how old are you?”

 

“Seventeen.”

 

“What?”

* * *

 

 

The place Kanda took them to was a typical sport’s bar. Their university’s football team colors and photos were plastered all over the place. It was still early in the evening so it hadn’t filled up yet, which was nice because it meant they could talk a bit. 

 

After finishing their drink orders, Lavi insisted on continuing his interrogation of Allen, who was currently sitting across from Kanda; who was also glaring at him, arms crossed. 

 

“So if you’re 17, your birthday has to be coming up soon right? Are you one of those brainiac kids who graduated early or what?”

 

Allen laughed, shaking his head, pulling his sleeve over his left hand again as he caught one of the waitresses trying to figure it out while placing down their drink orders. 

 

“It’s in December. And I took highschool online and was able to graduate a bit early.”

 

“So you didn’t have a traditional highschool experience? No homecoming or prom?” Lenalee’s face dropped. Allen laughed, shaking his head. “No, didn’t have any of that. I don’t think many people would want to go with me anyway.”

 

“Why’s that?”

 

Allen shrugged, looking down at the table and playing with his straw. “Well… As you guys can see I’m not exactly normal looking. I was a bit scary to others in school. So in 10th grade I just decided to drop out of school and take it online.” 

 

Lavi nodded in understanding, pointing at his eye patch. “I’m blind in this eye from an accident.It’s kind of hard for people to look at so I keep an eye patch… But I get where you’re coming from… I got a lot of shit for my eye until I just decided to say fuck it and be a pirate.” Lenalee giggled, smiling at them both. 

 

“I’m sorry you both had to go through those things… But I’m happy you’re here Allen.” 

 

Allen smiled. _Is this what friends felt like?_

 

Lavi nodded. “Lenalee was with me in some introductory art history classes, that’s how we met.”  


“Lavi was definitely a saving grace in there. You know he remembers everything right? Don’t try and lie to him about anything because it’s actually impossible.” Lenalee continued, elbowing Kanda in the arm. He glared at her. 

  
“Tch.”

 

“And this big lug here is Yuu Kanda. We met in our drawing foundations class. You’ll take that class soon probably. Kanda is a BFA student, so he’s got a studio and everything.”

 

Allen could tell that Lenalee was trying to cheer Kanda up. Even if he didn’t know this person very well, he could tell that he was very visibly affected by Cross’ words and reaction.

 

For lack of a better word Kanda was… Beautiful. He was tall and slim, with long, silky hair that was so black it looked blue in the light. His face was a mixture of androgynous traits, with piercing-dark eyes-

 

“Allen, what are you ordering to eat?”

  
“…Hmm?” 

 

Lavi pointed at the bored looking waitress. “You eating?”

 

“Oh! Right!” He could feel himself turning bright red. 

 

_I was totally zoning out staring at him._

* * *

 

 

“Speaking of… What made you get into art Allen? Was it living with Cross or something?” Lavi asked through mouthfuls, earning a glare from both Lenalee and Kanda.

 

Allen chewed through another chicken wing, eating with one hand was difficult but with all the questions he had been asked he didn’t want them to bring up his left arm. One handed chicken eating was the only option. He swallowed, using his right hand to reach for a paper towel roll set on the table. 

 

“Ah well, my father was an artist…” I think… Allen’s memory was cloudy, but he could remember clearly as a child entering an artists studio and wandering about, looking at the paint spattered floor- it was a warm feeling memory. “And I did art in middle school, but I didn’t start getting serious about it until highschool.” When I moved in with Cross… “I started entering in youth art shows and I took a couple electives of it online.”

 

“Was it hard taking it online? My highschool had lots of art materials.” 

 

Allen winked. “Ah well I got a lot of stuff from Cross. Whenever he got new supplies or had leftovers I got a hold of it. So that wasn’t really too much of an issue.” 

 

There was a comfortable silence while everyone ate, not even Kanda’s _lack_ of involvement in the conversation seemed to dampen the mood. It was strange, but he seemed to have calmed down, there was less of an edge in his voice(when he actually choose to speak) and he wasn’t glaring at everyone anymore(except Lavi maybe for talking and eating). 

 

“What about you Yu-“ a pointed look from Lenalee “Kanda, what made you get into art?”

 

Lavi was definitely playing with fire in Allen’s opinion, Kanda slowly swallowed his food, and wiped his mouth. 

 

“None of your business.” And back to eating. Lavi gaped at him, before quickly recovering. 

 

“Oh. I understand, don’t want to give up your secrets.”

 

“Well… What made you pick oil Kanda?” Lenalee gently pressed. “Lots of artists don’t work in oil because it’s finicky. You make it look effortless.”

 

Kanda rolled his eyes. “I liked how they looked.” Lenalee shrugged, satisfied with atleast that. Kanda hadn’t told her a lot about himself, but she was happy with whatever tidbit he happened to give her when they had the chance to hang out. 

 

“I think that’s why most people pick their medium.” Allen didn’t mean it sound sarcastic, but it definitely came out that way. 

 

“Some people pick what’s easiest.” Kanda snapped back, stabbing a fork into his salad. 

 

_Was that a dig?_

 

_Did you just attack my medium? What a prick…_ “Ah yes what’s easiest. But it’s always good to be interesting you know. Sometimes certain techniques can be… _overdone_. Overplayed for _hundreds_ of years in the catalog of art-“

 

“Atleast it’s not like a children’s craft?”

 

“Well oil can be poisonous, I’m sure if they invented a non-toxic children could certainly paint with oil-“

 

“Ah well…” Lavi cut in, laughing nervously, watching invisible electricity flow between Kanda and Allen’s glares at one another. “Art mediums-all of them, in their own way are challenging and there’s a reason we pick each one over the other.”

 

“Speaking off…” Lenalee trailed, following Lavi’s cue to try and diffuse the situation. “What kind of medium do you want to do for this class Lavi?”

* * *

 

_Knock Knock_

 

“What is it?”

 

“Can I get my Georgia O’Keefe catalog back please?”

 

“Oh, yeah sure.” Cross pointed at it on the side of his desk, still typing away at his computer. “I couldn’t remember the name of one of her pieces I wanted to use for my lecture.”

 

Dr. Theodore closed the door of Cross’ office behind him, looking at the mess of papers and other materials sprawled out on the floor and desk. _There wasn’t a reason for any of it_ , he thought as he reached to grab the catalog, checking the pages. 

 

“Thank you.”

 

“Thanks for letting me borrow it. And I know you’re mad at me for ripping your student a new asshole Froi.”

 

“I do not think students do not deserve criticism.” He fired back. Wow, Cross was surprised, he didn’t imagine Froi actually speaking up about it, it must have hit a nerve.

 

“However, the way you spoke to that child was unnecessarily cruel to him. You truly damaged his ego.”

 

“Maybe his ego needed to be damaged, no one likes a cocky asshole Froi. He’s a good artist-he’s actually a great artist, but there was no thought, no love in that artwork. It was a pure reliance on skill, and good art has to have a soul behind it.”

 

“I have mentored Yuu for over ten years now, I what he struggles with in his art work. His medium is so precise, he can’t let that control go and it… it engulfs him.” Dr. Theodore’s shoulders slumped, and Cross had never seen him so pitiful. Well, he had, multiple times, Dr.Theodore was very emotional when it came to his students, especially when it came to Yuu. 

 

“Well I think I might have half of a solution to that. Atleast it’s an experiment.” 

 

“And that’s that?” 

 

Cross turned his laptop around, showing Froi the email he had been typing out. 

 

“Ah… that should prove interesting for all of them.”

 

* * *

 

After eating Allen always felt happy, a feeling of content. Even now, as Kanda glared daggers at him via the rearview mirror he felt at peace.

 

“Oh by the way Lenalee, my grandpa said your brother is acting as the chair right now, does that mean he has access to your grades and stuff?” Lavi asked, actually talking non-stop since they entered the vehicle. Allen felt a hint of annoyance, but was too full and sleepy to care. 

 

Lenalee turned and glared at Lavi. “I was trying to forget. I told him I wouldn’t talk to him if he looked up my grades and things.” she turned back to face the front. 

 

“I know he loves me a lot and we’re all we got, but I wish he would realize I’m not a baby anymore.”

 

Ah, it was that brother. 

_  
Lenalee you have no idea how much he worships you…_

 

They had a comfortable silence again, before Lenalee asked to exchange numbers with everyone, she texted Allen both Lavi and Kanda’s numbers, and added him to a group chat. 

 

“I’m hoping to make one soon what the whole class. We did it in art history and it was super helpful with study groups!” Lenalee smiled warmly at her phone, adding Allen’s number. 

 

“Do you have a car Allen?”

 

“Ah, no.”

 

“Oh well, alright. I’ve got a motorcycle, so if you ever need a ride let me know. Unless Lenalee asks first and well… she out ranks you.” Lavi laughed. 

 

Lenalee shook her head. “No thanks to death on wheels okay?”

 

Eventually they stopped at Allen’s apartment gate, seeing him off. 

 

“See you tomorrow. Don’t drop the class on us.” Lenalee warned, winking at him. 

 

“I won’t. I’m going to look over the syllabus a bit too.”

 

Lavi rolled down the back window, sticking his head out. “Don’t be a stranger Allen. We’re friends now okay?”

 

_Friends_. 

 

Allen smiled back. “Okay.”

 

And with that they were gone.

 

* * *

 

The last place Kanda ended up at was Lenalee’s house. A small, quaint place on a quiet street away from college town. It was a blue house with a car port. By the light in the front window, and the jostling of curtains- her brother was home and would be sure to ask her about who was dropping her off. Lenalee sighed, wishing he could just be normal like everyone else’s siblings. 

 

Kanda had been silent the entire time, no amount of prying could get him to open up to her, and Lenalee knew she shouldn’t have expected more. Kanda was a very private person, and no amount of bugging him would change that except close him off further from her. He would open up to her in time. 

 

“Thank you for the ride Kanda… And I know today was hard but I hope we could cheer you up just a little bit…”

 

He nodded to her, eyes looking towards the driver’s window, staring out in the road in front of him. 

“See you next class okay…” Lenalee quietly left, and he was alone. 

 

The drive home took forever, it felt like he hit every light on his way home. Those words churning in his head over and over. He felt his anger increase, hands clenching the wheel tighter and tighter and his changing of the gears becoming more and more erratic. 

 

_Fucking piece of shit-bullshit asswipe of a son of a bitch motherfucking-_

 

He was running out of words. All he could do was bit his lip to keep from screaming out as he hit his fourth red light, waiting as the lights changed pointlessly for an empty intersection. 

 

It was garbage, undisputedly that painting was garbage. Everything that man had said was right. It was awful it was the worst thing in existence, and how could he of all things call it artwork when it was so clearly, so painfully the complete opposite?

 

It was something he had known deep down within himself, that his creations, his art work, was lifeless, all the beauty of the oil, the tedious time spent between painting and drying and painting and drying was sucked out of finished product. Whatever he touched, whatever he attempted to create became muted, as if he was watching it with blinders on. It was distorted and shallow and easily sold for a quick buck to help pay his tuition. But aside from that.

 

He was creating _nothing_. 

 

A factory of paintings, desirable because of their skill and medium, but ugly because of their lack of love. 

 

And where did those feelings go? Why did he feel so empty when he painted, so focused, so impassioned, only to feel lifeless with the product he was given. 

 

Marian Cross was a true artist, because he could see through Kanda’s charade, his bullshit art. 

 

And that pupil of his…

  
That person… Deformed and outcasted, yet still, had so much heart and love in his work. The true raw emotion in his artwork, even with shoddy craftsmanship, the feeling it gave was something Kanda could even imagine replicating. It was something special. 

 

Even that fucking Lavi, as stupid and tasteless as he was, his love of writing and of art history could be plainly see just by the gesture of bringing his paper in for the lesson. He wore his heart on his sleeve in that way. 

 

Lenalee… She was so beautiful and kind to him, something that he rarely before, someone who tried her best for everyone, who created gentle, peaceful artwork in a traditional style… Even her artwork radiated her love and kindness. And she, out of everyone, was willing to accept him if he let her. 

 

But he couldn’t… Not with her. Not with anyone ever again. 

 

After an eternity Kanda reached his apartment complex, parking and turning off the car in one swift action. He placed his forehead on the steering wheel, listening to the chime of the car as his keys were still in the ignition. 

 

Slowly he got out of the car, leaving that painting in the trunk. He didn’t want to face it, he didn’t want to see it ever again. 

The apartment was quiet, and Kanda once again was thankful of his decision to live alone. There was no one to answer to. No one to force him to talk. He could stew in his own silence. Be at peace with himself. 

 

He could loathe without interruption here. 

 

He quickly untied his hair, scratching his head and breathing out as some tension released in his head. He felt so exhausted, and yet he still had class tomorrow to prepare for and a meeting with his advisor.

 

_Just don’t think about it right now. Just breathe._

 

Just who was that voice in his head? Was that himself? Or was that someone else?

 

He didn’t know anymore. 

 

 

* * *

 

Just as Allen was about to happily fall asleep with a stomach full of chicken wings, his phone came to life. 

 

**Lavi: Hey, did you guys check your email?**

**Allen: Uh. No. Why?**

**Lavi: Because there’s an email about our next project… And it’s got some interesting info you might wanna see Lenalee.**

**Lenalee:??**

**Okk.**

 

A brief pause of the conversation. And suddenly Allen’s phone was out of control again. 

 

**Kanda: Go to bed.** _Ah thank you Kanda._

**Lavi: Kanda you should check it too!!  
**

Suddenly Lavi sent a screen shot. 

**  
Lenalee:You guys…**

**:(**

 

**SENDER: Marian Cross**

**SUBJECT: 2D Foundations Project 1**

 

**READ:**

 

Dear class,

 

I have decided to add some amendments to your project assignments. Hopefully this does not result in too drastic of changes for most of you. This will also allow you to explore more art mediums as our class continues. 

 

Next class we will be focusing on learning about mediums that are not just paint and canvas. To emphasize this point, I will not be accepting any projects in paint of any kind. Failure to follow this expectation may result in a 0%. 

If you have any questions, please talk to me next class. 

 

Good Luck. 

Dr. Cross 

 

**Lavi: Lenalee and Kanda what are you gonna do??**

 

No reply from Kanda. 

 

**Allen: For now, let’s all just go to bed alright? There’s not much we can do now?**

**Lenalee: I don’t know Lavi!!**

**My focus is water color!!!**

**I’m super nervous with other mediums and I can’t believe he’s doing this! It wasn’t in the original project notes at all!! :(**

**Dr. Cross is such a jerk!**

 

Well, Allen had to agree there. 

 

**Lavi: I didn’t mean to get everyone all upset.**

**Allen’s right. Let’s talk about it tomorrow.**

**Night.**

**Lenalee: You guys I’m freaking out!!!**

**Kanda: Go to bed.**

 

Allen put his phone on Do Not Disturb and sighed, he was so happy he didn’t have that class tomorrow. He wouldn’t have to deal with Cross hell yea-

 

_You live with him._

 

Allen groaned into his pillow. _Fuck_. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i always end up updating this at like 12am at night omg   
> well here u go yahoo  
> BFA-Bachelor's in Fine Arts as opposed to a BA Bachelor's of Art  
> BFA programs you usually have to apply for and submit art work and they are generally harder to get into


	4. Artist's Block

“Kanda” Lenalee murmured, looking over her shoulder. She had been staring for atleast forty five minutes at a blank canvas. No ideas had come to mind. 

A disgruntled huff.  

“What?”

“Oh right. No talking. Sorry.” she turned back around, trying will something to come to mind. 

They had been at Kanda’s studio since the fine arts building had opened. But no ideas were coming to mind and Lenalee was starting to consider just dropping the class until next term. Kanda was taking it as a challenge, but based on how stiff he looked from behind, Lenalee was assuming he hadn’t made much progress either.  While Kanda did have a desk and chair to work from, he preferred to work from the floor, and the desk was full of supplies and brushes he had laid out to dry. Lenalee was pretty sure it was off limits.  They both set up on opposite sides of the room, staring blankly at the canvases in front of them. 

Lenalee always had ideas of what she wanted to paint, sometimes she painted several pictures at the same time, one after another. but this assignment was giving her so much anxiety she could barely think of what to create. At this time she was envious of Allen and Lavi but for different reasons. Allen already didn’t work in paint much, so his silhouette style would be fine for the project and based on his demeanor he didn’t seem panicked at all. Lavi was well… Lavi in that sense. He had zero experience in any type of art medium, so he had nothing to worry about. He had already charmed his way into a collaging crash course with Miranda.

  _He’s probably paying her in art history notes_ … She thought smugly, getting annoyed at herself for being so negative. 

They had met the day before at a cafe at the school, poring through ideas together, but everything seemed to come up short. Allen had been hit with inspiration almost immediately and excused himself to the library to continue brainstorming on his own. Lavi kept trying to inspire them via bringing up other artists and showing examples of their artwork on his tablet, but it was all coming up short. Kanda offered no feedback, and Lenalee hadn’t really felt moved by anything Lavi had shown her. 

Picasso, Matisse, Braque… it seemed like all these artists had already done everything that could be done with collaging, and Lenalee felt intimidated to try and emulate a medium that had seemingly been perfected. Miranda was a collagist by nature, but what right did Lenalee have to try and copy her style. She could tell Kanda was even more discouraged by the end of their meeting. Lavi was wracking his head for artists, and she could tell he was getting frustrated with their negativity. Eventually he excused himself as well, leaving her and Kanda to mope.  They both sketched for a bit, Lenalee writing down every idea she had that day, and Kanda frustratedly turning page after page in his sketch book, starting over on new design after design.  

When they parted ways the stress seemed to double. 

** Kanda:  ** ** Hey. **

** FAB opens at 8 tomorrow.  **

** I’m working.  ** 

Lenalee knew Kanda was too proud to ask her directly if she wanted to share his studio, but she could tell he was trying to offer it to her. And she was thankful for it. Usually she worked at home, but being in her room was becoming too stressful for her. And she hadn’t been allowed in Kanda’s studio yet-it would be a new development. 

** Okk… Can I come work with you? **

** Kanda: I work alone.  **

_Pfft…_ Lenalee rolled her eyes. _Okay Batman._

** Kanda: But you can use it too.  **

** But no talking. **

** Cellphones off too. **

** No music.  **

** Or food. **

** Meet me there at 8.  **

** If you’re late I’ll lock you out.  **

Ah so early… But she wouldn’t get an opportunity like this again. And her brother had bragged about how nice the studios were. And she hadn’t prepared anything for the class yet… So maybe this was the perfect opportunity to get started and bring something in to be evaluated. 

And so… Here they both were… Neither of them had actually gotten anything done, and Lenalee was starting to feel even more discouraged than before. An audible sigh came from that side of the room, and she could hear as Kanda stood up, stretching and grunting as his shoulders and neck popped. She turned and looked at him again. Judging from the look on his face he was also done with staring and thinking. 

“Want to get something to eat?” she offered, expecting to be admonished again for talking. 

He shrugged. 

* * *

 

They eventually agreed on going to Denny’s, Lenalee eating her anxiety with french toast and eggs and Kanda settling on a cup of coffee-black.  

** Allen: Good Morning.  **

** Is there anyone on campus?  **

** I had to go to Blick with Cross this morning and he wouldn’t drive me home.  **

**Now I’m stuck here. :(**

“Tch… Send it all in one message dumbass.” Kanda murmured staring at his phone, swiping on the Do Not Disturb feature. Lenalee giggled, as Kanda texted like that often as well. 

“Do you mind if he comes and joins us?”  Kanda shrugged. Lenalee shrugged back. 

** Lenalee: Kanda and I are at Denny’s on campus if you want to head over. I can order for you. :) **

** Allen: Really? **

** :D  **

** You’re the best!!  **

** Order me two grand slams with orange juice and a water. One with sausage, one with bacon. One with toast and one with hashbrowns. I’ll be there in a few minutes.  **

“T-two? Can he eat all that?” Lenalee gaped. Kanda just snorted, pouring himself another cup of coffee. “I’m not paying for it.”

Allen arrived just in time for his two grand slams, which he proceeded to insane much to the amazement and horror of the waitstaff and Lenalee(Kanda didn’t seem to care). Clearing his throat and wiping his mouth, Allen sat back in the booth, looking to take a bit of a break from eating. “So… What are you two doing up so early?”

“Working on that stupid project! I’m really at a loss for it Allen… Like… All my ideas just seem to fall through.”

“What about all those artists Lavi gave you? You didn’t see anything you could pull from?”

“No… Well… I just don’t want to steal from other’s. Picasso is so over cited at this point…” She groaned as they all nodded in agreement. 

“Well… What’s your usual study?”

Lenalee shrugged. “I work in traditional Chinese watercolor. So think… Animals and trees.” 

“I prefer still life.” Kanda added, Allen looked surprised for a moment. Kanda must also be pretty desperate to actually participate in a conversation with him. 

“So do that… But different.”

“But I can’t just force my subject matter into another medium!” Lenalee was feeling defensive. It felt like she was cheating on herself if she did that. Her medium was precious, something that she had to hold on to, and forcing it into another medium just seemed-

“It’s alright Lenalee.” Allen said cautiously, looking back down at his food. “So maybe you should try something completely different.”

“What is something you don’t like painting about Lenalee?” Kanda asked, staring at her intently. His lower lip twitched in annoyance as Allen started inhaling his food again. 

“Well… I really don’t like doing self portrait. Or portrait at all.” She nodded. “That’s what I don’t like painting. I avoid it at all costs.”

“Hannah Höch.”

There was a brief pause. 

“…Who?”

“Hannah Höch, she’s a dada artist. She does photomontage and collages. She did a lot of portraiture type work.” Kanda was quick at googling her, pulling up images. Lenalee grimaced, “Kanda… I don’t want to copy-“

“How is it copying? Are you making an exact replica? I’m just saying she’s a good example of non-traditional medium but she doesn’t follow all the same rules because she’s a dadaist.”

Allen nodded, adding. “It’s a bit of everything. Color and all. I think you’ll like not being so confined.”

Lenalee continuing clicking through picture after picture, taking in the colors, and surrealist nature of the artist’s work. It didn’t have that perfect feeling of the artists Lavi had shown him. There was a kind of trial and error of her artwork. This feeling of unsureness but of confidence and subtle beauty. 

“Hey… I’m… I’m gonna head back to the studio if that’s okay Kanda.” Lenalee quickly dug some money of her purse, setting it on the table. 

“Give me my phone back.” Kanda growled, trying to take it back from Lenalee as she continued scanning over the google results.   
  
“Oh right. Sorry.” She murmured, pulling out her own phone and handing him his. “See you later Kanda… And Allen…”

Allen continued eating, finishing up every last. Piece. Of. Fucking food on those plates. He even made quick work of the juice and water he ordered. 

“Ah that was good. All you wanted was coffee Kanda?” Allen asked, covering his mouth as he burped. Kanda made a tsking sound. 

“I don’t eat breakfast.”

“Ah. How come you guys are here so early?” 

“Working.”

Silence. 

Allen grimaced. “Do you have any ideas for yourself? It was nice of you to help Lenalee along like that.” _Do you like her or something-_

“No.”

“Oh. Well… Same question then! What do you not like to paint?”

“Lots of things.”

“Like what?”

“People.” Their emotions, their forms, their complacent expressions just irritated him. Everyone was wearing a mask, including himself, and he hated having to paint it just to be held in eternity. 

“Ah really? People are my favorite thing to make.” Allen leaned a bit on the table, smiling. “I like making people’s faces.”

“That’s my least favorite part. Is faces.”

“Are you not good at making people’s faces? Oil I’d supposed there’s not room for bad portrait painters.” Allen sucked some air through his teeth-shaking his head.    
“I’m not bad at making people. I just don’t like painting them.”

“So maybe, you should focus on people. Kind of like Lenalee’s but a bit different. More on emotions and things.”

Kanda shook his head, crossing his arms.   
  
“No.”

Allen shrugged. “Well it’s your choice really, but to be a good artist-“

“You think you’re a good artist?”

Allen smiled at him warmly. “I’m allowed to be confident in my ability-just like you Kanda. And to be a good artist I think you have to leave your place of comfort sometimes. All the same rules apply for all of us.”

Kanda blinked at him, eyes wide and staring as Allen called over the server and asked for their bill.

After leaving the restaurant, they walked together for a bit before parting ways, Allen lamenting having to go back to the art supply store because he forgot his x-acto knife at home.

“Good luck Kanda. I’ll see you a bit later okay?” Allen stuck his hand out, offering it as a truce. _Come on Kanda take it-_

“Whatever.” he was left hanging. 

God damn that guy. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanna say I am hella sorry for dropping off the face of the planet. i started up work again and just didn't have time to get to this when i had to be an adult for like a couple weeks. today i finally was able to sit down and think about it. I'm gonna do some more brainstorming and hopefully get some good shit out. 
> 
> Braque/Matisse/Picasso- Well known artists known for collaging etc Picasso did a lot of shit and Braque and him had pissing contests all the time with each other(not literally but like friendly art dude competition)
> 
> Hoch was a dadaist(Dada means nonsense) who kind of took collaging and photo montaging and did whatever the fuck she wanted with it.

**Author's Note:**

> short but its 10:45 and tbh i wrote this after catching up with dgm and realizing how much i love all these characters all over again so fingers crossed i can churn this shit out lmao 
> 
> thanks for the comments and the shit ur great
> 
> thanks for clickin even tho my summary is garbage
> 
> also i might write sex like ten years in the future but there will be definitely a heads up if there is any hanky panky  
> dont even trip dog.


End file.
